OK, it’s corny, it’s cheesy, but it made me chuckle.

http://historicaltweets.com/2009/08/31/the-t-in-james-t-kirk-is-for-twitter/

Q: How do you get a Blonde onto the roof?

A: Tell her drinks are on the house …

Sometimes, it’s not so much what kids say that’s eye-opening, but how they hear what we say to them …

(This is another one that someone e-mailed me years ago, and has been sitting in my pile of funny bits.)

My niece at the age of three was excited about going to the park. we had told her to hurry and get her shoes. when she came back she had them on the wrong feet and we told her so. she replied “their the only feet I have!!”

Heh. Another one that got emailed to me some time ago.

A Child’s Appreciation for Art

I decided one day to go on a cultural visit to an art/object gallery with my 3 year old son. This was a very prestigious and expensive gallery with thousands of paintings and antique objects. I was very worried about him breaking something and as the well-dressed clerks followed us around the gallery, I guessed they were worried too. I pointed out some very old toys that his grandparents might have played with when they were little and antique nick-nacs and furniture. He was very quiet and looked at everything. When we were heading toward the door all of the clerks smiled and seemed quite relieved. My son’s parting words which echoed through the room were “Mom, this is nothing but a room full of junk!” I couldn’t help but laugh but did not bother to turn around to see what the clerks thought of his assessment.

Don’t know where i got this from, I think it was emailed to me at some point, but it definitely brings a smile to my face.

A great example of the way kids see the world.

My son was around 3 years old. He was being taken care of by his Grandfather one day. Grandpa was outside working in the yard and had just dug a ditch. My son was very much into super heroes and often wore the pajamas that resembled super hero costumes all day long. This day however he didn’t have the complete ensemble. He was being superman today and decided to “fly” over the ditch. As it happened he fell into the shallow ditch. When Grandpa lifted him out he exclaimed ” I would have made it if I’d had my cape!” We still tease him about it to this day. And his Grandfather treasures this memory.

One Sunday in a Midwest city a young child was “acting up” during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer the little one called loudly to the congregation, “Pray for me! Pray for me!”

A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer “Dear Harold”. At this, dad interrupted and said, “Wait a minute, How come you called God, “Harold”? The little boy looked up and said, “That’s what they call Him in chruch, You know the prayer we say, “Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy name.”

During the minister’s prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Gary’s mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence, and after church, asked: “Gary, whatever made you do such a thing?” Gary answered soberly: “I asked God to teach me to whistle… And He just then did!”

One night Mike’s parents overheard this prayer. “Now I lay me down to rest, and hope to pass tomorrow’s test, if I should die before I wake, that’s one less test I have to take.”

A little boy’s prayer. “Dear God, please take care of my daddy, mommy, sister, brother, my doggy and me. Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we’re gonna be in a big mess.”

A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy: “So your mother says your prayers for you each night? Very commendable. What does she say?” The little boy replied, “Thank God he’s in bed!”

A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?” I wouldn’t know what to say,” the little girl replied. “Just say what you hear Mommy say, “the mother said. The little girl bowed her head and said “Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”

Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer. “Fine, said the pleased mother. “If you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you.” “Oh, I didn’t ask Him to help me not misbehave,” said Johnny. “I asked Him to help you put up with me.”

A little boy was overheard praying: “Lord, if You can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it. I’m having a real good time like I am!”

From an anonymous source out there in internet-land:

Jimmy Olsen: “I didn’t have my camera with me.”

Perry White: “A photographer eats with his camera, a photographer sleeps with his camera!”

Lois Lane: “I’m glad I’m a writer.”

A photographer from a well known national magazine was assigned to
cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. The magazine wanted to
show some of the heroic work of the fire fighters as they battled
the blaze.

When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so
thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him
to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to
rent a plane and take photos from the air. His request was approved
and arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby
airport where a plane would be waiting for him.

He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate.
He jumped in with his bag and shouted, “Let’s go!” The pilot swung
the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the
air.

The photographer said, “Fly over the park and make two or three
low passes so I can take some pictures.”

“Why?” asked the pilot. “Because I am a photographer,” he responded,
“and photographers take photographs.”

The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, “You mean
you’re not the flight instructor?”

There was this photographer in one of the most remote parts of the African continent on an assignment. He came across a primitive village where the residents were living in thatched huts and wearing colorful primitive garments. He approached a man who appeared to be the chief who was wearing a large headdress made of woven hemp and colorful feathers.

The photographer, not knowing how to speak to him, pointed to his camera then to the chief. The chief nodded. As the photographer was taking a meter reading the chief said “today use f/16 at 1/125 for ISO 100 film”.

It’s not a photography joke, but I had to laugh the proverbial body part off when I read this:

The recent hurricanes, gasoline issues, and other
recent situations are proof of the existence of a
new chemical element. A major research institution
has recently announced the discovery in 2007 of the
heaviest element yet known to science named
Governmentium.

Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant
neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant
deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces
called morons, which are surrounded by vast
quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.
However, it can be detected, because it impedes
every reaction with which it comes into contact. A
minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction
that would normally take less than a second to take
over four days to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it
does not decay, but instead undergoes a
reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In
fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase
over time, since each reorganization will cause
more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some
scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed
whenever morons reach a critical concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as
critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes
Administratium — an element which radiates just as
much energy as Governmentium since it has half as
many peons but twice as many morons.